Brittany Boles
live a magical life
Spiritual BS
“Spiritual Bypassing” – what is it, and what is it not?
It means something akin to pretentious self-righteousness to the point of willful ignorance and/or unhealthy selfishness. A psychologist coined the term in the 1980s referring to the use of spiritual practices and beliefs to sidestep uncomfortable feelings and avoid authentic, vulnerable connection. Harsh, right?
An example of SB (funny how it mirrors the acronym for bullshit, isn’t it?) from my own experience is as follows:
A person in a position of leadership, actually a spiritual teacher, was repeatedly acting in a dismissive, judgmental, and unsupportive way toward multiple members of the group. It became deeply distracting from the purpose of the group, negatively affecting the majority of people within it. At one point, I spoke for the silent majority and suggested we address our concerns. The leader responded with barely veiled anger followed by a complete dismissal of the issue, suggesting the group explore our feelings as our own issues and that this person had spent “too much time and energy on the negativity already.” It was devastating to the group dynamic and a few individuals. After the dismissal, this person acted as though nothing had happened.
The main elements of SB in that example are that the person attempted to hide genuine emotion, refused to confront or discuss the issue, and dismissed it as nonexistent or unworthy of attention – all while citing the “level of energy” as being “too negative.”
The person flatly refused to do the work.
True spirituality is about doing the work. We grow by diving deeply into – rather than away from – our experiences. We become mindful about what we feel and how we react, even if it is negative, hard, or painful. Being mindful means being present with these emotions, observing them, and digging more deeply into them.
This is where the light comes in! We can believe that “only love is real,” or “we are all made of light,” or “love wins” – only after we understand it to be true because we have found it within our own shadow.
And this isn’t something we do once to earn a gold star of spirituality which – like the Pardons of old – exempt us from future spiritual work. It is an evolution of spirit. We are spiritual beings on a human journey. We’ve come here to experience! To feel! To learn!
Truly spiritual people acknowledge the experiences of others and seek to further their understanding – by offering compassion and love – at all times.
When the profoundly spiritual Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. said “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that,” he didn’t intend it to become the anthem of dismissive spiritual bypassing. He meant light and love as verbs – as intentional action. To drive out darkness is to actively fill space with love and light. Anything less is inaction.
(I wrote a lengthy piece called “7 Ways to (Actually) Send Light and Love” if you’re looking for ideas.)
Spiritual bypassing is dismissiveness. Spirituality is compassion. Spiritual bypassing is arguing or ignoring. Spirituality is listening and caring.
When we really do the work and dive into our experience – and seek to understand the experiences of others – we grow in our spirituality. We find the light and love beneath the shadowy pain. It’s there, in all of us, collectively and individually.
Once we start to see, feel, and engage with light and love from a space of authentic mindful exploration, we can turn it into a verb and shine it out into the world. At some point, we may even begin to see everything as Love. But we certainly will not be able to show others that profound truth unless we meet them with authenticity and compassion somewhere inside of their experience.
What did I do about that BS I mentioned above? The work. I dove into my anger and pain, found the qualities in myself that I was avoiding and rejecting, sat with the sadness and shame, and found my way back to my core. I am stronger and more sure of the loving power that I Am because I did the work.
BS Spirituality is an excuse for inaction. Spirituality is actively Be-ing.
Let’s end with some Mary Oliver, shall we?
“You, too, have come into the world to do this, to go easy, to be filled with light, and to shine.”
(to shine: verb; to engage in contrast – with the intention of brightening)
A Handful of Dirt
“I am a universe in a handful of dirt,” writes thirteenth century poet, Rumi, “whole when totally demolished.”
The whole of our spirit is greater than the pieces of who we (think we) are. We are a reflection of the very earth. Her mountains, her endless abundance, the ever renewing sustenance of the Great Mother Gaia lives within each of us as a solid connection to strength, peace, and resilience.
Grounding is the practice of connecting our energy to the force of solid earthliness. “Ground” is an electrical term meaning, according to Google, “a connection to the earth, which acts as a reservoir of charge.” In yoga, or in life, grounding means exactly the same thing. We connect ourselves to the endless wellspring of sustenance that lives within our planet.
We do this by touching the earth, and her plants and trees, with our bare skin. We breathe down through our bodies and visualize our spirits anchoring into the core of the planet. A simple meditation of feeling sensations in our body can ground us. Salt is profoundly grounding: take a bath in salt water to detox and recharge.
When we are grounded, we feel at ease. We live in and recognize the present moment for its reality. We think calmly, not about the past or future, and worry not; instead, we breathe, and feel, and be.
Walk upon the earth, and know that your spirit is abundant. You are more alive than you realize. Another great poet, Mary Oliver, writes, “For one thing leads to another. Soon, you will notice how stones shine underfoot.”
And then, you will see that you, too, are shining.
Sober October
Sober October begins now, on a cloudy and cool morning much too early for my liking.
Last night, I had a dream I was given the task of executing a half-finished wine & food event, without any of the necessary information. I kept asking people for help. I was met with “I don’t know; figure it out.”
The day the event arrived, people flooded through the doors before we were finished setting up. I was running around in complete chaos, unable to keep up or get a handle on anything. At one point, I fell off of a half-constructed dock into churning, cold, dark sea water. The tide threatened to carry me away, but I was pulled to soggy safety.
At the end of the day, I was walking through the wine aisle of a grocery store, debating whether or not to grab a bottle for later. I remembered, then, that it was Sober October and, before I could talk myself out of it, I woke up.
Dreams are messages to us from our higher self, guides, and/or angels. This one is pretty clear: drinking begets a chaotic consciousness.
Recently, a group of women I admire decided to hold a “Siren Sobriety” event, stating that it was about sisterhood and making conscious choices about consumption. The fine print stated that the wine lifestyle is marketed brilliantly, purposefully, and subtly. Effectively.
And then of course I remember how I felt on my Consciousness Cleanse, a 50-day totally clean eating and zero alcohol or caffeine stint; it left me in a clear, energized, happy state wondering why I ever drank in the first place.
The thing is, alcohol is so acceptable. It’s a regular part – almost a requirement – of socialization. But, I know it limits our awareness, places bounds on our power, and drains our energy. It is chaos in a bottle.
So I’m going to do a month without it. And this time, I’m paying closer attention to how I feel, consciousness-wise, and to what the world around me feels like. My hypothesis: a lot less chaotic.
Humanity
Much more than ability to feel
The cold caress of snow upon your cheek
A gentle tingle softly melting –
A drop of water on your face.
More, even, than the scent of lilacs in the air
Warm wafting clouds of summertime
A perfumed fairy dance
Blooming abundance on the breeze.
Your humanity is more than wide open eyes
Watching the sun set into sea
Coloring the sky with flames
Illuminating clouds and your imagination.
Birdsong in the morning, cricket chirps at night
Rustling autumn wind through colored leaves
And water gently breaking on the shore
This sounds like our humanity; but it is something more.
Creating what is beautiful and loving what you see
That pull within your breast that says,
“Come and dance with me”
The moment one first falls in love,
Heart thumping loudly in the chest
And in our sorrow, grief, and loss
Gut-wrenching, the capacity to feel:
We wish for numbness, cry for help –
Even that is real.
It’s more than just our hands and feet, our eyes-mouth-ears-and-nose
More than what we feel today or how our spirit grows
Humanity is bundled up in something greater than this poem
Wrapped inside each one of us, it’s what defines our home.
“Humanity,” By Brittany Boles, circa 2014
Just Sit
I didn’t even realize how far from center I was until I tried to touch it – and couldn’t find the way.
She found me in the studio, sweating and breathing hard. I was forcing my body through a difficult sequence, just trying to “work it out.”
My eyes couldn’t focus on her as I burst into rapid breathless speech about the funeral later today, my overwhelming anxiety, and my “inability to shield.”
I told her I had “tried everything:” mudras, movement, chanting, restorative, reiki. I couldn’t seem to get myself together.
She told me, “you need to just sit.”
“I did an hour and a half of restorative yesterday,” I replied.
“That’s not sitting. That’s doing.
You need to sit.”
I was terrified, and she saw it all over me.
So she sat, with me, for a half hour (we timed it). My only instructions were to tell *anything* that came up, “I’m not interested. That’s not relevant.”
And it felt like torture, at first. I kept trying to focus on breath, or silently chant Om, or visualize my sacred place.
. . .
Somewhere along the way, my center found me. God. The Divine. Timeless, soundless, thoughtless, precious and beautiful nothing/everything.
And it felt so good.
Now that I remember the touch of that sacred, silent, center, I can return – and I will.
Because teaching is doing, too. And as much as I love it, I remember now that I need to just sit.
Brittany Boles 