An Open Letter from My Higher Self

Dearest Brittany,

You are so loved. This year has been an evolution, like the dissolution of the caterpillar so she can become. And, like that courageous creature, you too have grown wings.

Last year, you were so afraid. You didn’t want to be “thirty-two.” You were triggered by ghosts of the past, so afraid of losing everything. 

You had closed the doors of your studio, the place you had created that was really YOURS. And that was heartbreaking. You didn’t know what your career would bring, didn’t know how to move forward following your dreams. You felt like you had come to the end. 

But that’s not what happened – you found a “job,” but it became a dream. You found your soul mate friend and partner, Dawn, and have grown immensely with her. You have been elevated to a leadership position for the GOOD of the community, and have brought yoga and meditation with you into the venture. You’re making a difference every day in ways you didn’t even imagine were possible.

You stumbled. A lot. You drank too much at times, made some poor self-care choices, and had a lot of negative self-talk to heal.

But you returned to your values again and again! You started running, hiked – by yourself – a thousand times, and stayed true to your yoga practice. You spent your entire summer sober, meditative, awake. You held fast to your health and your healing and it has made you strong from the inside out. 

You were in love – so deeply – but so afraid of that feeling because you knew it would end in heartbreak. And it did. You crumbled into pieces, yes. You cried yourself to sleep … often … and have been utterly despairing. You doubted yourself, the gods, your practices – yet you held on, blindly, and stumbled forward through the pain until you finally made it out of that cave. 

You brought your god(dess)-son for a long awaited trip to see you. The time you spent together was magic for the entire world, from the conversations you had to the silence you shared – you will never be the same for that sacred connection. 

You made a trip back to your roots, back to the place you were born, to parts of yourself that were wrapped up in your mother and everything you didn’t want to touch – and it was beautiful. You healed even deeper, reconnected with your family and your SELF. Spent time with a woman who embodies “strong,” and took that courage home with you. 

The growth you’ve experienced this year has been nurtured by the crumbled pieces of what you released. Your pain led you into the woods, your tears broke open the faith you had lost … you learned to believe even when you couldn’t see the path, couldn’t hear my voice through the static in your head. 

Did you know, before, how much faith it takes to become? Did you know, before, what it means to dissolve, in the dark, hoping for wings but not knowing how to fly? 

And it dawned on you at some point that you did not need permission to become, didn’t it? One day you awoke and said, “I will not wait – not for my lover, not for an agent or a publisher, not even for my Destiny. I create this life. I love myself. I am more than enough.” And you began. 

You hired an editor, and rewrote your story again (and again). You began sharing it with the world, and – to your delight and amazement – the world is responding with love. Your work is being seen, heard, rewarded. 

You decided to love yourself the way you deserve. You date yourself, spoil yourself, continue to prioritize self-care, health, meditation, and your loves of skiing, running, hiking – solo and blissful. You are the one you have been waiting for your whole life, and you’re glowing with the love you feel. 

Yes, Brittany …. it is happening. I know there are answers you still crave, dreams on the cusp of manifesting, and sorrow steeped in hope for things you are yet unwilling to relinquish. And that’s okay – these things are part of the journey. 

You are becoming fluid in the way of Destiny, and each step or stumble forward is perfect. 

The thing about flying is … it’s in us all along. You don’t need to fear, dearest, because your heart knows the way. 

You were always meant to become; I am so happy you have come to believe in it, as well.

With joy,

Your Highest Self

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